The pain that followed my initial foray into mobility caused such agony that I was forced to immediately take refuge on the bottom step.  “What the hell happened to my toe?”. I weigh about 185 lbs, multiply that by the 2 foot distance I fell and then multiply that by the power of gravity and it comes up to about a million pounds.  What are the odds that all that pressure would come crashing down on my right big toe.

If the pain had been distributed to the rest of my body I don’t think it would have been all that bad but it was all condensed into the inch or so of big toe i have on my right foot.  “What sad joke is this” I thought.  I finally got up using th banister and hobbled my way into the kitchen, trying to use my right foot in a useful manner.  I made it through breakfast and getting dressed, all but my socks and shoes.  I waited till the last moment before I tried these.  I sat there on the couch looking at my foot like it was a bag of flaming poo left on my door step; a little angry that it happened to me and a little sad that i was going to have to deal with it eventually. I grabbed my left sock and practiced with it, making sure that i got it on quickly and smoothly with out too much contact with my left big toe.  “So far so good”.  Feeling a bit more confident and determined to get the job done, I took hold of my other sock and quickly slipped it over my foot expecting the same result as my trial run.  Not so lucky this time, in my exuberance I caught the sock between my big toe and its partner to the right, re-enter the sharp shooting pain.  Now the best part of injuring an already injured part of your body is that eventually the pain subsides and the limb goes numb.  Using this refractory period of time I managed to put both the offending sock and potentially dangerous pair of shoes on.  I grabbed my keys and stood up expecting more pain, not so, it was still there but not exactly what it should be, “The shoe must be making a sort of cast of the little guy”.   All I had to do was make it to the car, then no more walking, right?

I now consider the pedals in my car to be The Devil, not just a devil, no…The Devil.  At one point during the trip I thought I had actually urinated on myself via pain induced incontinence, come to realize it was just me breaking into a cold sweat.

When I walked into work, “walk” being just a turn of phrase.  It felt like my leg starting at my knee down had been hit with a baseball bat at least twice.  I sat down and never got up.  I ended up spending the day asking everyone to get me stuff like the pen just out of reach and “that document I just printed” and looking up home curse for toe pain.

I decided to go home early, because I can.  I made it home and on to the couch with little incident.  I had worked out a way to walk without using my toes and a way to use The Devil without putting too much pressure on the wounded soldier.  I sat down and took off my shoes, no pain, then my socks, no pain.  I thought I had miraculously healed in the last hour or so, not so.  My toe had actually transformed itself into a beautiful purple plum.  I have come to believe that my toe is no longer part of my body, I think it has become infested by a demon, possible a major demon.  At this point I think tomorrow I will make an appointment with the doctor and maybe a priest.